Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
