dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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