Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
