So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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