I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize