this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
