Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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