you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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