it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
