The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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