Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
