the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
