he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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