so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
