I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
