Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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