Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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