Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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