Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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