i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize