Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
