I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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