just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
