I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize