My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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