I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
