I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
