it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
