Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
too bad you live with your parents still
I haven't been this sober since birth.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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