She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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