I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
