the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
