You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
