I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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