Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Of course I have a pirate flag
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
