i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
