id be glad to
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
