omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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