Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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