bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
