Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
