Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
