I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
