I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
