if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
