My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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