Your tits are I can't wait for
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
