He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
