I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
