Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
