cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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