omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
