I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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