Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
