Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
