I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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