I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize