i jhust puked up my retainher.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
