yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
