they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
