I think i peed on brittanys purse
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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