the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
