You're so nebulous sometimes
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
