I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have aggressive nipples.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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