my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
