so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
