I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
