I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
