I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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