I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
