I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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