Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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