i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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