I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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