she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize