Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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