My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
