How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
