you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize