Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
