I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
