I threw up into my coffee this morning.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
