sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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