Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
