Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
