His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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