We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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