ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
