Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wear drunk well.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
