he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
