Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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