you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is Oprah even human
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
