My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
