i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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