she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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