What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
