no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
