thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
