So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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