The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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