Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
