FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
