I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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